Sister Edith Myflesh
16 December 2001
For $20, we do any measurement you'd like.
I met Sister Constance in front of Welcome Home for a quick brunch before we started getting ready. I was going to be good and only get a bowl of grits and toast, but when I saw the biscuits and gravy, I couldn't say no. And, by the end of the day, I was glad that I had carbed up.

As we tucked into our food, Sister Constance and I chatted about Big Sisters. At the Saturnalia, I had asked Constance to be my Big Sister. Although she felt honoured and wasn't going to tell me no, she felt that I would be better served by picking a Sister who hadn't just gotten her Black Veil the month before I was raised to Postulant. We also talked about the mentoring role of the Big Sister and how a Big Sister guides her little Sister and helps her to grow and vice versa.

Brunch finished, we headed up to Sister Constance's place. Taking my make-up into the bathroom, I started my routine, something that is getting very familiar to me. After doing the concealer, foundation and powder, I proceeded to eye shadow. For today's event, I decided to go with the blue and silver that I had been planning for the Saturnalia. Unfortunately, I got a little crazy with the glittery blue loose powder and my eyes were a lot more blue than I had intended. However, this turned into a fortunate accident: with the black page-boy wig I ended up wearing, I had a very Asian-inspired look going on.

Now that I feel a lot more comfortable with lipstick, I've been experimenting with different shapes. For today's event, I went with the Marilyn Monroe over-drawn top lip in my favourite colour, L'Oreal Antiquity. Finishing off the face with two colours of blush and shading my goatee with brown mascara, I pulled on the black page boy wig I was borrowing from Sister Constance.

After combing and smoothing it down a bit — the poor thing had been in Sister Constance's closet for a while — I slipped on my dress. Note to self: put on dress before wig. After putting on the wig again and getting it arranged, I threw on my scarf, pinning it back with a jeweled broach that Sister Constance gave to me. Sister Constance put on her wimple and we were out the door.

On the way to the event, we picked up Sister Gina Tonic from her gorgeous flat and, accompanied by Saint Lucy Fur (Sister Gina's dog), we headed for MUNI. On this overcast Sunday afternoon there were a lot of dour and grumpy people. Usually, the sight of the Sisters produces smiles and waves. Today, however, we got mostly averted faces and the occasional begrudging smile. Surprisingly, taking MUNI was fun, even if Sister Gina did have to pay a full price fair for Lucy. We chatted with people on the train, who seemed to be generally happier.

Today's event a benefit for the Sisters' Archives and the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Historical Society of Northern California was held at The Eagle, a SOMA bar that I have spent very little time in. I spent the first part of my day working on the food line. We were serving two kinds of chili, hot dogs and hamburgers. I filled up plates and took them inside for the bartenders and made sure there were enough buns to go around.

I was then conscripted to sell raffle tickets with Sister Constance. The pricing for the tickets was as follows: one ticket for $1; three for $5; for $10 we measure your inseam in tickets and for $20, we'll measure anything you want. It certainly made selling and buying the tickets a lot more fun. You other non-profit groups should write this down.

Our first sale was to a man who donated $100. Needless to say, we spent a fair amount of time measuring him in raffle tickets: head to toe, fingertip to fingertip, and various other measurements as well. We certainly made sure he got his money's worth.

We worked our half of the bar, flirting and selling tickets and making the bashful boys blush. One group pooled their leftover beer money and had us measure their poor, bashful friend. When we were done selling and ready to start the actual drawing, I was certain that our team would win. You see, Sister Constance's team was competing against Sister Gina's team for who could sell the most tickets.

We raffled off several prizes, mostly consisting of porn and the craziest collection of tchotchkes and religious items I had ever seen. There were, however, a number of back issues of "Diseased Pariah News" and a couple DPN t-shirts that I wouldn't have minded winning. Once the drawing was over, I helped clean up, washing out pans and dishes in the sink while I sipped on one of Sister Hellen's "manly cocktails". I don't know what was in it, but it was good.

Sister Gina and I then had an hour to kill while we waited for Sister Constance. Of course we made productive use of our time and went over to the Lone Star Saloon for a little bar ministry. We were joined by Sisters Bea and Zsa Zsa. The Lone Star's happy hour started about fifteen minutes before we got there and so it was rather crowded. Sister Gina made a valiant attempt at ministering to the needy, but it's hard to give out blessings when you're forced to yell.

Our hour spent, we headed back over to the Eagle to meet up with Sister Constance. From there, we caught the underground and headed back over to Sister Gina's. After we put Lucy to bed, we stopped at Squat and Gobble and had some dinner. Our plan was to proceed on to the Detour for a little bar ministry to wrap up our evening. On the way, however, we realised that our time would be much better spent at Sweet Inspirations. Nuns cannot live on bar ministry alone.

Our spirits made light by tasty desserts, we each headed home.

recorded in the Book of Events :: testify, Sister!

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