Sister Edith Myflesh
28 October 2001
Bingo! Ooops, Not Really
The next event that I got involved in was Resurrection Bingo. My first night of bingo, also happened to be the first night of the new season. Oh my god, it was wonderful. I had so much fun. There were times when I could barely mark off the numbers because I was laughing so hard. There were several special guests, including four guys from various years of the SOMA Bare Chest Calendar, Donna Sachet and Gary Virgina.

I had no idea bingo was as popular as it was. I'd say there were easily 150 or so people, packing the church from end to end. I got there early to help set up and was saving about half a dozen seats for friends: I almost had to beat people off with chairs. In addition to schlepping and setting up tables and toting soda, I also got to "dance" in the opening number. You see, Sister Betty planned this little dance number as a way of introducing the new season and the new name.

Once everyone paid and found a seat, they lowered the house lights and four other volunteers and I got up on the stage with the nuns and did a little two-step shuffle sort of thing. The five of us were holding cards with symbols on them. For example, I was carrying a card with a picture of a bee on it. The guy next to me had a picture of an eye. Taken together, they all spelled out bingo, natch. So we did our thing and then Sister Betty announced "The Weakest Twink".

Sister Betty went through the crowd, selecting four "twinks", two boys and two girls. The twinks were each asked a trivia question ("How old is Sister Dana?", e.g.). The twink who got the question correct got to pick one of the five cards that the volunteers were holding. One of the cards had the new name of bingo on the back. The twink who picked the correct card won a bingo t-shirt. Anyone who got a question wrong was called the "Weakest Twink", of course, and was sent back to their seat. After several suspenseful moments, one of the twinks correctly answered a trivia question and picked the correct card, revealing the new name: "Ba Da Bingo!"

We then got down to playing. I was playing two cards, the two cards that I got free for volunteering. But, you see, that's two cards with nine squares on each. Quite a bit to keep track of all at once. The SOMA Bare Chest boy who was sitting next to me had it even worse: he only had one card, but was never quite clear on the whole bingo concept, I think. Not that I'm one to talk, I had a blonde moment myself, you see. We were playing "lesbian bingo", where you have to fill two adjacent edges. Now, for some reason, I thought we were playing lesbian and regular bingo. So I was quite excited when I got a bingo.

Sister Constance checked over my "bingo". Oh no dear, you don't have bingo at all. Well, at this bingo game, people who call "premature bingo" are punished. I was yanked up on stage and the bushwhacker was brought out. Oh dear. The bushwhacker is a black, jewel-studded paddle. The last number called was N49, so it was decided that Donna Sachet would get to deliver nine swats and her able-bodied assistant, Gary Virgina, would get four. You'd think that a drag queen would hit like a girl, but that fucking bitch didn't pull her punches, so to speak. At the urging of the bloodthirsty crowd, she wailed on my tender, virginal buttocks. I was dreading the attentions of Mr. Virginia when it got to be his turn, but it turns out that he was experienced in that field and knew how to produce the most bang with the least pain. I don't know if I should be afraid: being spanked in front of 150 some odd people was oddly thrilling.

After my little example, we finished the first round and took a brief break. During the second half, Sister Betty demonstrated what happened to cell phones that went off during bingo with a hammer. She certainly drove the point home. Despite the fact that we had to hurry through the last three or four cards, a good time was had by all. Big cash prizes were given away, and, even more importantly, some nice donations were made. I was actually a little annoyed by that. The person who won the $250 prize only donated $50 of it. Oh well, I suppose not everyone can be as charitable.

I think the high point of the evening was when a guy came up to me afterwards and told me that he really enjoyed seeing me being spanked. He said that he thought the hair flips really added to the performance.
recorded in the Book of Bingo :: testify, Sister!

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